BHC Member: Sam

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Yes. I used to think maybe a few times, but there's only one that really registers anymore. I fell in love with this person after I had already decided that I was going to do my best to just be alone--it was after a really horrible relationship. This person was so nice to me at first, nicer to me than anyone before him had ever been. I have said "I love you" to people before but I think maybe with this person it was the first time I ever really meant it. I don't want to get into the details of HOW he broke my heart, but it really damaged me.



Have you ever broken someone's heart?

Well I don't know any for sure, except one. My first boyfriend; he was my first EVERYTHING--including the first (AND LAST) person I ever cheated on. I felt horrible for what I did. I still feel horrible to this day. He was willing to forgive me and look past it, but I couldn't forgive myself for hurting him that way. I swore never to do that again and I haven't since.



Does it hurt?

Both still hurt.

When I think about the person who broke my heart I get SO ANGRY. I can't even remember why he made me happy or what it was about him that I loved (and honestly, still love) so much. I get frustrated because I don't understand the attraction anymore and yet I can't erase him from my memory. It's awful. I just want him to go away. What's worse is when I think about him I bet that he never once thinks about me anymore. And that just upsets me more.

I've found someone else since him. Someone I really love and who loves me back equally. I am truly happy with him. So why do I allow myself to get worked up over senseless past drama? I just don't understand. He just shouldn't be that important to me. I didn't even know him for that long.

Actually, I don't really know if it HURTS...but it IS REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING.

As for the person whose heart I broke. It only hurts when I think about it. I've mostly forgiven myself, but there are times when I think about it and I'm just disgusted. I KNOW I'll never do it again.



How do you cope?

MY FRIENDS! OMG! I couldn't survive without them. I'm not talking about run-of-the-mill friends either--I'm talking about the REAL DEAL here. People I can be open and honest with, people I know won't judge me NO MATTER WHAT, people who will tell me the truth when I'm in the wrong. Those kind of friends; the kind that some people may never have in their entire life--and I have a whole handful of them! I am SO BLESSED to have them. They don't know it and won't believe it, but I'm alive today because of their presence in my life.

Another way I cope is through prayer and reminding myself that "this too shall pass." Whatever pain I'm going through, whether it's heartbreak or something else, I just remind myself over and over "this will pass, this will pass" and before I know it the storm is over.



What have you learned?

Everything in life is temporary, that is why everything should be treated like the precious treasure that it is. People are born and then they die, friendships and relationships go through the same motions. Everything has a beginning and an end, everything must come full circle--that's just the way life works, nothing lasts forever. It's a little sad to think that way in the midst of a blossoming romance, but it's nice to remember when that love has ended.